Tunnel Vision

I haven’t posted in a while, which I apologise for, but I have a good excuse.

I’ve been writing like crazy, or trying to.

I don’t know what it is but when I start writing it really is like getting on a train; you pass under little bridges where, for a short period of time, what you’re working on is all that you can think of. But you come out on the other side after that brief spell and you’re back in the normal world again, until the next bridge.

And then I get to the tunnels, where for a long time nothing else matters. And I have to admit it gets really quite bad. I used to drink a lot of energy drink and go for days without much sleep, sleep annoys me anyway so no big loss there. But alas, I have had to give up the energy drinks and tablets due to my heart condition, the pain they cause used to be worth it and then it all became unbearable and I didn’t want to put my already in trouble ticker under more stress. So, sleep and I have called a truce.

For now.

But I only give in when I’m falling asleep at the keyboard and everything else remains just as unimportant as it was. When I was writing my first book I survived on energy drink and a few hours sleep for five straight days – I didn’t shower, I barely ate and to be honest I barely moved from where I sat. It was a bit silly, not least because that left me with only nine days to revise for my HNC in Social Sciences graded exam. I got a B by the way. But mostly because…Β who does that?

It was a little less intense for book two and has stayed that way.

However, I woke up this morning and it seems I had emerged, momentarily, from the tunnel. My house was a mess, the kitchen was unbelievable, I had abandoned posting and reading on here, I completely forgot about my July ‘to be read’ list after one book, none of my fanfiction stories online have been updated in months and so many other things.

The only thing I have done for days is shower (thank god), eat whatever I could throw together, listen to the radio and watch NCIS in between these crazy sessions. While it doesn’t feel like I’m doing much on paper I spend hours looking between notes and researching online, even for just one line of text. And this is only fanfiction! I’m trying to speed up so I can complete this and get back to one of my own fiction works.

I suppose for me writing is like a cross between the opening titles of Doctor Who, when the tardis spins to the opening track and you feel like you’re in a big tube running through time; and when a ship goes into warp in Star Trek, the stars and everything else whiz past and everyone hangs on for dear life. Everything else just blurs past, you might be aware of it but you can’t focus.

I used to moan at my mum for not paying attention to things but now when I’m working and she talks to me I turn my head to her and it’s like trying to come out of a parallel universe. I can almost feel my head pulling out of the make-believe world I’ve created and landing before I blink, shake my head and say, “Sorry, say that again?”

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is sorry for the radio silence but I was working on something and haven’t forgotten you.

However, I am about to lose you in this tunnel…

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